HCh's room

Since TikTok is the most popular application, here is a summary for the short-form content lovers and those who don’t read the full ad, although they’re gonna miss lots of stuff (ಥ﹏ಥ)

1. Looking either for one roomie (Plan A: $1600, my preference) or two roomies (Plan B: $1075 and $1025, ideally one male and one female).
2. The rent includes nothing, first, last and $500 deposit required.
3. Minimum stay is one year as per the pesky property manager’s request
4. It’s available immediately, and you can leave at the beginning of any month you like, as long as I’m being given a two month notice (nothing will be written between us, only a receipt of payment if needed).
5. Rooms are furnished.
6. Parking is hard to be found, but might be available for about $200 to $250 a month.
7. You need to be an absolute non smoker and preferably not a pet owner.
8. Make sure you’ve included your LinkedIn profile and Airbnb in the response.
9. Your name must not be Geneviève or Danny, lol! I’m joking (ｏ・・)ノ“(ノ<、)
10. You’ll share the bathroom with only one person at maximum.

Hi long-form content lover and non TikTok user!

Hope you’re doing great!

If you’ve made this far, congrats! Let’s begin then! I already know who we got here tho! A lazybutt who finds it too much to rent a place and make it furnished? No worries, we’ve got you covered here! (￣▽￣)

I’ll start with my bio and looking forward to hearing yours:

1. 32 male, omnivore, non smoker, and non drinker. My life too boring? You’re probably right dear cocaine consumer ┐(￣ヘ￣)┌
2. I consider myself environmentally conscious, although you could call me a hypocrite since I drive a non electric SUV and I eat meat a lot. I try to do carpooling when I can. I do my best to use paper towels the least, and separate recycle and compost.
3. Did a master’s in mechanical engineering at Concordia in Montreal.
4. Worked as a project manager for a company in Quebec while having most of the business in Ontario. Yes! I travelled a lot with the company’s money muhahaha! Minimum tip used to 20% those days! Then decided to quit the position and move to Toronto. Worked for another one as a project engineer and got laid off. Now in between jobs. Danny is the guy in my previous job that I couldn’t get along with (⌒_⌒;). As a matter of courtesy, I expect your response to include a strong condemnation of Danny and how unfortunate I was to work with him.
5. Have lived with about 30 roomies so far, and from all around the world: Canada, India, Iran, France, Germany, USA, Canada-Costa Rica, Japan, Brazil, Italy, Hong Kong-Canada-South Korea (he had a hard time answering where he is from =D), Pakistan, Colombia, and Russia. Once lived with a couple and another time with a gay roomie. My current roomie is a queer. Geneviève is the miserable roomie I had in Montreal (＞﹏＜). If your name is Geneviève and you still decide to reply to the ad, it’s like you’re trying to convince me that you’re an honest politician or a virgin hooker!
6. Before the pandemic I used to attend an event called Mundo Lingo to meet people and play some games and sports like foosball and ping pong. After Covid, I just lie down on the couch and read Trump’s The Art of the Deal! And yeah, my debts have been running up more and more! (╥_╥) Now that everything is back to normal, I join events with friends or go on road trips with them. I think going to restaurant in a group is my favorite one among all.
7. It’s up to you to be social and to hang out with us, or just keep to yourself with only a hi how are you in the mornings, although I prefer social people that is full of positive vibes!

About the building:

1. It’s on Lakeshore Blvd below high park where Etobicoke just starts.
2. on 5th floor there is a big terrace with bench and BBQ grill for the whole building. On the same floor inside the building, there is a gym, a pool table, and ping pong table.
3. There is no locker in the building available. You may find other tenants willing to rent out their parking spot for about $200 to $250 a month.
4. It’s only a few minutes walk from TTC. 7 km or 10 minutes drive to CN tower.

About the apartment:

1. on the 4th floor.
2. Whole apartment is furnished (including the room).
3. You’ll find tons of light in the apartment and it has a view of the lake.
4. It’s a 3 bedroom and 2 bathroom apartment. You’ll share the bathroom with another person only in Plan B, and with be all yours in Plan A.
5. The rooms are furnished with a non IKEA queen/double bed, desk, and drawer.
6. There is a Nespresso Vertuo machine and I use a grinder to freshly grind bean and refill a pod. I also have a Sodastream and Aeroccino.
7. There is a washer and dryer in the apartment.
8. Nothing is included in the rent. Internet is 50 bucks a month, hydro between 60 to 140 dollars a month (higher in summer and lower in winter), and tenant insurance about 35 dollars a month. Common stuff like bathroom paper, dish detergent, etc will be shared too.
9. There are two Google nests in the apartment. First one in the living room that controls the first room and the living room, and second one in the middle room that controls the middle room and mine.

Rules:

I’m not nonsense like some people mentioning their roomie must not be working from home or they must be cooking occasionally only. You pay a rent and you serve the right to stay in the apartment 24/7 or cook on a regular basis. However, there are some rules that you need to follow. There is also a difference between when you live alone and when you share a place. The upside is we share the rent and costs, but the downside is that the place needs to stay cleaner to respect our roomies’ space. I don’t consider myself clean freaky, it’s only a matter of sharing the place! If you see my bathroom it’s probably not that clean, but as I’m the only one using the bathroom it doesn’t matter. However, I keep the kitchen tidy and clean it up right after I prepare a meal as I share it with others! I know many constraints are put out here. But look! I’m saving your time not to choose a place that you won’t feel comfortable. Right upfront I’m making it clear what my expectations are. In fact I prefer the rooms to be empty and to pay their rents other than living with someone that isn’t a good match. Here you are:

1. Having people over should be on a rational basis! Let’s say if you get visitors from another city or country once in a while and they wanna stay with us even for a few nights, that’s alright! However, if you have regular visitors like a partner, it should be limited to only one night per week! If your partner is gonna stay here like 4 nights a week, it’s not gonna work out. We divide the rent by 2 or 3, and not 4 or more.
2. Google nests will be set to 24 in summer and 22 in winter. In summer, If you find the set-point too cold, you’re expected to close the vent in your room and not turning off the AC! if you find it too hot, you’ll need to get a fan for your room. This apartment gets tons of light and if you don’t roll down the blind during some hours of a sunny day, you’ll find it hotter. And in winter, if you find it too cold, you would have to get another heater in your room along with wearing proper winter clothes, and if it’s too hot, again close the vent in your room and roll down the blind.
3. I need to get up early in the mornings. I always try to be done cooking or washing/drying cloth by 9 ~ 10 pm to avoid making noise late night.
4. If you work from home, that’s completely alright! You’ll be provided a comfortable desk and chair in your room and you will not use the living room as your office. The living room is a shared space to chill.
5. No oil left on the stove after you cook. There is a cloth beside the stove to clean after cooking. The counter has a separate cloth and it must not be used to clean the stove or vice versa. The kitchen will be clean before you cook and needs to look the same after you’re done.
6. When you wash the dishes it needs to be done properly (not just pouring hot water!). Both sides of the dish needs to be washed. The sponge must always be squeezed of water and dirt and left in the sponge basket. The kitchen brush will be only used for items that are hard to be cleaned with a sponge, like greater, strainer, can opener, etc and everything else will be cleaned with a sponge. Once the dishes are dried, they wouldn’t stay there for long.
7. Hands, face, or teeth would be washed/brushed in the bathroom sink, not the kitchen sink. A chemical substance has been added to the kitchen’s faucet so that when it’s being combined with your tooth paste or face wash, you’ll end up with constipation (｡•́︿•̀｡)
8. Drain plug will be left in the sink to stop food from going down. The drain will always be emptied in the compost and will be kept clean after use. The sink itself will be always clean and free of foam, food, etc.
9. You will do your best to make sure I’m comfortable in the apartment, I run out of no grocery item, my clothes are washed and ironed, my car is free of dust and dirt……. Yeah like I’m a douchebag! I’m already so disappointed at you by seeing your boring inquiries like “is it still available?”, “Is there a parking?”, “what is the average speed of the boats sailing on the lake in knots?” etc. In fact I won’t be surprised to go to the bathroom after you to see that you’ve even forgot to flush the toilet! I’m not expecting you to do me a favor, just do your stuff and it’s much appreciated! (¬_¬ )
10. Shoes will be taken off at the entrance and will be put on the shoe rack. If you forget to take something when leaving, you’ll need to take off your shoes to grab them.

11. No hair or foam will be left in the bathtub or on the curtain after you take a shower. The bathtub has a drain and needs to be cleaned up from hair. Same for the bathroom sink.
12. As you could share the bathroom with another person (in plan B), the bathroom needs to be properly cleaned on a regular schedule by you and the other roomie.
13. If you’re a guy, you won’t do your number one standing up. Why? Because I’m worried about your health! Physicists have found that standing up significantly increases the velocity of the stream and potential for backsplash, amounting to less hygienic, more bacteria-filled bathrooms. ……. Yeah, like I give a sht about your health! (^.^*) Of the things I care about the least, your health status is somewhere between a free charger of Nokia3310 and sending bitcoin from a convenience store to the person on the phone claiming to be from Canada Revenue. It’s just I don’t want my manager to hear your number one noise in an online meeting. What’s more, you normally sprinkle when you tinkle.
14. Garbage, recycle, and compost have their separate bins and they must not be put in the wrong bin. For the recycle, if it contains food or dirt, you need to rinse it with hot water before recycling it. I had a roomie that used to even wash with sponge and dry them before recycling, but I won’t be asking this!
15. Credit report, first&last&deposit, and letter of employment are required. So if you shovel elephant’s sht in a circus in your job, you gotta bring a letter from the circus showing you’re employed there (/_＼)

If you’re still reading this, you’ve got to have a loose screw, Lol! I’m kidding! Good job! Continue please, as not far you are from the end! I always repeat that never judge people unless you know them well. In fact I’m being judged so frequently as well which is not nice. However, thanks to Geneviève for the unbelievable stories she brought in, I have no choice other than judging you from your response and profiles. I clearly have no time to face those situations Geneviève caused in 2018. If you get no response, specially if you see the ad being bumped up after your response, please don’t be offended and don’t take it the wrong way. Let’s put it this way that we may not be a good match to live in the same apartment, nothing wrong with you. Toronto is a big city, keep trying other ads and you should find a comfortable room.

Reply to me if:

1. First and for most you feel comfortable to stick to the rules..
2. You have introduced yourself very well. The introduction should be at least like mine at the beginning.
3. Your LinkedIn and Airbnb profiles have been included.
4. You’re willing to provide letter of employment and credit report.

Hope to see you! (*°ｰ°)ﾉ