The Queensway

Furnished apartment to share, private room available. All utilities, kitchen utensils, sheets, towels included. Free parking onsite and free-sourced internet. Located 400 m from Kipling on the Queensway. Easy TTC access to Kipling subway station where you can also access MiWay or GO Transit. Super easy access to Humber College Lakeshore Campus. Nearby amenities include banks, Fit4Less, grocery stores, LCBO, and many restaurants.

I guess you might want to know a bit about me, seeing I think some might see me as an impossible-to-live with troll. I am a 50-something male who has been married, is no longer, and who is building a modest, boring life for myself. I am educated and well-read. I wish I did people better, maybe I am somewhere on the autism spectrum. I was always a bit to the left of centre politically by disposition, until one day when I discovered the Rainbow Tyrants of wokism had subverted the political spectrum and pushed me right of centre, but unable to support the politics of conservative parties. I have had mixed luck with roommates, so I am going to be straight forward in the things I cannot tolerate. I cannot abide by smoke or vaping. I hate the smell of cannabis, but if you want to have injestibles in-house, I am fine with that. I have a couple of food smells that really irk me. Sardines and other pungent fish linger for some time and are icky. Sauerkraut and kimchee are not welcome, so if you need to eat them, it’s best you eat that cuisine elsewhere. Curry while enjoyable, is not likeable enough for me to want to live in a home that reeks of it all the time, like a cheap curry joint in Manchester, England. So if you eat a lot of curry, this ain’t the right place for you.
I am a big believer in temperance. If a typical night for you is to put down a few cans of beer, a few shots, or a couple of bottles of wine, look elsewhere for a place to live. If you like to get wrecked on the weekends or get stoned stupid, keep looking chum. I’ve lived with alcoholics in the past and I’ve decided to draw a line. I’ve had it with deadbeats. Pay in full, pay on time. I do not care about whatever excuses you may have. You may get some goodwill if I grow to like you. Like anything worth having, it is earned. Hygiene is important, and while I haven’t had roommate problems with someone who did not bathe or use deodorant regularly, I have met enough people for whom it is optional. When it comes to cologne, know when enough is enough. It shouldn’t be strong enough to cause my nose to burn. Another thing I have found is that most of my previous roommates are worse housekeepers than I, and I SUCK TERRIBLY, AWFULLY in this area. I am expecting you will occasionally vacuum, dust, take out the trash and clean the bathroom. A few dishes in the sink do not irk me, unless it is habitual to leave your supper dishes and not clean the kitchen, then it becomes bothersome. Dishes in the drain that need to be put away, no problem. Not wiping down the counters and stovetop after cooking and leaving food out to invite critters is very grating. If you see that dish soap or toilet paper is running low, buy some. If you want a cleaning service, I will arrange it and add it to the rent. This room is for one person. You will be sharing the apartment with me. There are no other roommates. The agreement is month-to-month, no lease to sign. I am asking $1000, less than half the average rent of a two bedroom in Toronto, and a better deal than some of the stuff I have read about. First and last month rent paid in full required before you move in. I do not care about proof of income, nor credit rating, but I will want a reference from a previous landlord. I will call to check. This is the important part at the end that I wanted you to read through to. I will ask you to please include a brief introduction with a name and time when you’d like to view the apartment (it’s surprising no one does the second part and it saves some time and chasing); if you can’t do that or send a one-liner like “Is the apartment still available?” I will ignore you. If, and worse still, you send a single word like “available” without any punctuation for context, you can expect a reply asking whether you are a drooling baboon. (Yes I am serious about this one, I have done it before, because I am pissed off for you wasting my time.) Now if you feel compelled to respond saying you think I am impossible, or an asshat, or something along those lines, please swallow it. Show the qualities I am so apparently lacking and make the world a better place. Cheers, Marc